Comments on: Honorable Mention, Novel Beginnings

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 18:37:46 +0000

Mary Beth — Meh. I have little to say about this. Anything used too much begins to stick out, but everything should be about choices. If you want to use a coordinating conjunction between two causes and it fits there, do it. If you don’t, don’t. I’ve honestly never put a moment of thought toward this before.

By: Mary Beth

Mary Beth — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 17:24:59 +0000

Jerome Sterns talks about it in MAKING SHAPELY FICTION, p 101. Is this just one man’s opinion? “That use of as as a coordinating conjunction between two main clauses looks harmless and certainly is not toxic. But there’s something so familiar in it that it reminds readers of commercial magazine stories. There can’t be anything intrinsically wrong with as used in this way, but look for it in opening sentences of admired, anthologized stories, and you’re not likely to find it. The same is true for while: ‘What’s up with you?” asked Mary, while raising her can of Diet Coke. ‘Mr. Garvish donned his gay raincoat, as he stared at us angrily.’”

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 06:50:04 +0000

Mary Beth — I wouldn’t call these cliches… they often serve a very specific purpose in writing. Where did you hear advice against them? If a word serves a purpose and there can be no other word there than THAT WORD, then you should most certainly make the choice to use it. How else would you say, for example, “He chewed his dinner … he watched TV”? You wouldn’t use a clunky substitute like, say, “He chewed his dinner during the process of watching TV,” right? “He chewed his dinner as he watched TV” or “he chewed his dinner while he watched TV” are the two most elegant solutions. Maybe if you came up with an example of a more cliched usage, I’d be able to see more clearly what you mean.

By: Mary Beth

Mary Beth — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 03:54:31 +0000

Thanks for the great entry! A question for Mary Kole - when is it ok to use “as” and “while”, which I read in a book were considered cliches in writing? I noticed Joan uses it (very nicely) in the first sentence.

By: Janelle

Janelle — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 20:46:19 +0000

Go Joan! We knew Wolfsbane was destined for greatness!

By: Janice

Janice — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 13:28:16 +0000

I’m really excited for you! Well done

By: Suzanne

Suzanne — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 03:47:29 +0000

Very intriguing! I want to read the book, too!

By: Tara McClendon

Tara McClendon — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 23:26:30 +0000

Zev already scares me! Eek. I like my fingers. :]

By: Shari Maser

Shari Maser — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:49:04 +0000

Congratulations, Joan! I’m intrigued by your beginning and by your title too. I can’t wait to read the rest of the novel when it’s published.

By: Gaura McLeod

Gaura McLeod — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:53:55 +0000

I loved that beginning- 132 words and a world already unvelied, an issue and protagonist and heroine introduced and intrigue built Great job!