Comments on: Second Place Winner, Novel Beginnings Contest

By: kris f

kris f — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 00:07:33 +0000

LOVED your opening line. It’s one of my all time favourites!

By: Amy

Amy — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 02:12:03 +0000

I really really like this, JR. It has a more interesting opening than most of what I’ve read lately! I would definitely read this book.

By: Helen Robertson

Helen Robertson — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:15:24 +0000

I like this protagonist’s voice a lot! Like someone else who commented though, I thought it was a boy at first. Keep going, JR!!!

By: melodycolleen

melodycolleen — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 00:06:43 +0000

Congratulations,JR, on a job well done.

Not that my two cents are worth much, but I can see how a teen would enjoy and identify with this voice. A bit self-absorbed, but still worried about others, a little funny, but still tragic, a little remorseful, and yet there’s determination at the end. Sounds just like my own teen!

The only thing that sort of threw me off track was the comment near the end about “then a funny thing happened”. I think another choice of word might work better than ‘funny’ in this case. I was expecting more humor with that remark.

Again, major congrats. And now I know without doubt that mine isn’t in the running either, but I’m learning much and thoroughly enjoying reading the winners.

By: Robert Kent

Robert Kent — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 13:25:48 +0000

What a great hook to open the book! As I personally nearly died last winter from slipping on some ice and bruising my brain in the fall, this opening is particularly resonant with me. Don’t worry, I’m fine now. But if I had died, I also would have been irritated by such a dumb way to go.
Enough about me, onto the story excerpt:

I wish we knew how she felt about the tennis game. It’s a small thing, but is she irritated she will be losing by withdrawing from the match? That would be really funny considering she’s dead and would better illustrate the character. Or, did she never really care about sports and is therefore indifferent. Or did she hate that she was playing tennis and is now annoyed that it was the last thing she ever got to do? But perhaps this comes up later in the story and is better mentioned there than here.

Also, I love that you introduce the word “shit” so early. If a YA novel is going to allow for profanity (my personal preference for YA, but not MG), it’s better to advertise that fact to the reader as soon as it can plausibly be worked into the prose. That way, if a particular reader isn’t comfortable with profanity in their YA fiction, they can stop reading early. And if a reader is comfortable with it, they’ll know they can probably expect more.

By: KarenG

KarenG — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 05:57:46 +0000

There was some great stuff in this opening, but some of the writing jarred me a bit, and I didn’t feel as impressed with this entry as with the honorable mention and third place winners. Just goes to show how subjective this all is. I truly did not think the writing here was as well-crafted as the last two entries, that placed behind this one.

By: Mkfm

Mkfm — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 06:30:38 +0000

J.R.,

Congrats on a job well done. I liked your intro and enjoy the variety of all three winners. Thank you for putting your work out there and allowing us to eavesdrop on your journey to super stardom!

By: Krista V. (the former Krista G.)

Krista V. (the former Krista G.) — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 05:55:49 +0000

Another congratulations coming your way, J.R.!

Interestingly (and this probably has nothing to do with anything, so don’t stress over it too much, J.R.), the first line made me think our narrator was a boy. Again, I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because my WIP features a male protagonist…

By: Mary

Mary — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 04:34:58 +0000

Jessica — This is one sampling from 400 entries. I can only feature what people send in. This content isn’t necessarily representative of what I see under regular circumstances, which is not to say these entries are better or worse, of course.

Yes, tthere is literary writing left in YA. And THE BOOK THIEF was published in 2006, not in some long bygone golden age. Don’t get me wrong… I’d love to find the next BOOK THIEF in my inbox, too.

I do have to say that “here are 200 pages all about me” doesn’t seem like much of a story. Literary YA is more character-driven than plot-driven, sure, but a rambling 200 page inner monologue must be broken up by SOME action in order to make it in this market. I remember there being a great deal of plot in both of the books you mention…

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 02:54:20 +0000

I am reading these winning entries and while they are good, even clever, I am discouraged. Is there no “literary” writing left in the YA market? Is it all “here are 200 pages all about me” stories from a teenage perspective. Are there no more books like The Book Thief or a Separate Peace, to name just two.