Hello. My name is Marybk and I am a struggling scribbler.
*holds up thick purple crayon*

Thing is, when my teen speaks, he uses present tense when talking about something in the past if it happened to HIM and it was stressful–good or bad. To me, this is the best (unscientific) proof/argument I’ve come across to use present tense for YA.

It’s a shift for me. I’m struggling.
*puts crayon down and takes seat*

I hear you. I struggle with things like this, too.

Struggling scribblers unite!

Sometimes, I have to write something twice in different ways and read it at workshop. That way, I get feedback on what works best.

Maybe this is a voice thing? I know so many different writers who approach tense and POV issues differently.

You’ll find what works for your story, keep at it!

You’re an angel for putting yourself out there. It is hard enough to send a query off when only the agent will see it and judge it in her mind. When it is for the rest of the world to see and critique, it becomes infinitely harder to click send. Thanks for doing so.

I enjoyed the sense of your MC’s relationship with her mom. I pictured, very vividly, my daughter rolling her eyes at me in this scenario. I think, as suggested above, that this scene will be great elsewhere in your manuscript and that there might be something just on the other side of these 250 words that would start your story off with a bang. I hope that’s the case and a little rearranging will get you up and going.

Reading Mary’s critique regarding word choices is helpful for me, because I tend to use words that kids don’t typically use. I have had to become hypersensitive to this while not dumbing down to my readers. It’s a tough balance, but one we will all learn with a little practice.

Best luck as you continue to work your way through your manuscript.

I’ve worked with present tense in short pieces of fiction, but I’m resisting it right now for some reason I can’t even put into words. I almost feel as if you have to have ongoing tension where every minute is an unknown with present tense.

Just to clarify, I didn’t have any issues with the workshop piece’s present tense.

I’m not sure if anyone addressed this, but I’ve read that present tense can be very powerful if you need to avoid foresight. It’s a gamble, though. I’ve read some amazing present tense novels, and some that are so distracting, I’ve put them down for good.

Here’s a great link on the subject:

http://www.rwanational.org/galleries/2009-workshop%20handouts/LookWhosTalking.pdf

Thanks for sharing your work. Best of luck!