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Theme, Imagery, and Description

December 21, 2009 in Revision | 21 comments

This is quite literally a literary grab-bag of thoughts. The things mentioned in the title — theme, imagery, and description — are important considerations when revising a manuscript, but they usually come into play below the surface. Things like plot, character and dialogue are obvious, they’re right in the reader’s face.

It’s the subtler things that can really make or break your work, though. And a huge part of revising is seeing what common threads and themes you’ve left for yourself. It’s like magic. Your subconscious usually puts lots of things in your manuscript for you to find on a second or third read… connections you never knew you’d made, common images and ideas that resonate with the larger meaning of your work, all sorts of interesting stuff.

When you revise, think about what your work is saying. You’ve got to have a reason for writing it. There should be distinct themes and ideas that you could point to as the center of your book. GRACELING isn’t just an awesome fantasy story about people with special talents, for example. It’s also about one’s place in the world, duty, honor and empowerment. Those are the ideas that Kristin Cashore weaves into the manuscript, her themes.

Once you know what these are — and you usually won’t until you’ve started revising — you can use them as a lens. This sort of fits with the point I’ll be making about voice before the month is out. A theme for your work should color everything in it, subtly, especially the descriptions. If you’re working with a theme and a plot with a lot of loneliness in it, settings aren’t “empty,” they’re “desolate,” which has a much stronger resonance with the themes you’ve set out to play with. Filter your writing, your descriptions, your characterizations, through the lens of the bigger idea or theme that you want to work with.

The next time you’re reading a really well-written book, think about how the author is using imagery, description, metaphor, all of those fancy-pantsy literary devices that usually crystalize during revision. I bet all of the author’s prose seems to just fit with the plot and the theme of the work. In writing, everything is a choice. When you get to the really fine-tuning work of a fifth or sixth pass revision, you’re looking for all the little places where you can make the right choice. If you’re setting up a scene where a person is alone in their snowbound house, you wouldn’t say that a “boisterous” wind rattled the windows, you’d maybe say, “a pang of wind made the glass shiver,” or whatever.

Everything has to fit. From the way you describe a scene to the verbs you use to the seemingly-innocuous metaphor you choose for your character’s frame of mind at the moment. I hate putting labels on it like “theme” or “message” (because you really don’t want to be teaching anyone stuff with your fiction writing, readers, especially kids, don’t cop to that sort of thing) but there really should be something larger at work, something subtle but everpresent, in your novel. It’s in revision that it gets teased out and crafted. Every sentence should ring with it… whatever it is that you want your reader to feel and experience as they’re moving through your story.

In that same vein, don’t overload on the literary stuff either. Don’t go crazy with metaphors and similes to the point where every sentence has a “like” or “as” in it. And don’t go crazy with description, either. Those days when readers indulged in long, lavish scene-setting and endless purple prose are over.

The best description gets the job done quickly and economically. I like to tell people that the best writing comes from very specific, extremely well-chosen details. Let one or two perfectly-picked specifics do the work of paragraphs. Isn’t it enough for me to say, “Dinah saw that her thong was sticking out past the waistband of her jeans, blushed, and pulled her pants a notch lower,” for you to get what Dinah’s about as a character? I don’t have to describe her push-up bra or skimpy tank top or hooker heels or the silver cross nestled ironically in her cleavage… you get it right from the thong-flash.

So make intelligent choices that fit the larger goal of your work. Think like an MFA student for a day and make sure your images and descriptions match your theme. Cut out blocks of description and replace them with well-chosen details. See if you can’t make your writing tighter and more effective, sentence to sentence, page by page.

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Manuscript Length

November 13, 2009 in Advice, Agent | 30 comments

ChristaCarol asked this question a bit ago and I thought I’d answer it for everyone, since it really is on people’s minds. I almost hesitate to get into this discussion publicly but, well, that’s never stopped me before. :)

I have a question about your opinion on word count in YA fantasy. And this may be one of those subjective things that drive us all nuts, but my manuscript is at 90K, which I’d thought (for a Fantasy) was high, but okay. A wonderful agent who offered to critique the query through a contest mentioned she would pass on the project just because of the high word count. Is this done often? Should I be scared? Should I go back and find a way to chop out 10K? Another writer mentioned just querying it at 80K even if it’s 90K, but I’m not sure, wouldn’t this dirty up my integrity or something?

This is a great question. I love getting publishing myth/rumors that I can confirm or deny. Now, ChristaCarol is astute when she mentions that this might be one of those subjective things that drives us all nuts, because… this is one of those subjective things that drives us all nuts. I can give you two answers. First, the cute and fuzzy one: As long as the manuscript and the story has earned every single one of those vital and carefully-chosen words, the word count doesn’t matter. There are those very rare exceptions where I see a word count in a query, have a mini heart attack, but then the author convinces me that each word is necessary and I agree whole-heartedly. If given enough reason, people (and that includes editors and agents) will read long books.

Now for the more practical, everday truth. Personally — and this sounds extremely crass and judgmental of me, I know — the lower your word count, the more I like you, right off the bat. For example, right now, I’ve got about 150 queries and 8 manuscripts in my queue. And that’s from, like, the last couple of days. That’s a lot of words for me to read. When I get a query for anything over 80k words that sounds really cool, I groan a little bit inside. It’s not the word count, per se, because, if something sounds cool, I really do get excited to read it. It’s that I have so many other submissions on my plate, so I half-dread loving it a lot and having to read all those 80k words. And if I take it on, I’ll have to read those 80k words over and over again as we revise. It represents a big time commitment. I realize this is arbitrary and perhaps lazy of me but… welcome to the world of a very busy agent. Sometimes, we have these thoughts.

There are times, though, (and these are the rule, not the exception, I find) when an inflated word count isn’t earned, isn’t awesome, isn’t because every word deserves to be there. I usually find that first-time fantasy, paranormal or sci-fi authors are the worst offenders. They craft a redundant manuscript full of lavish description that moves at a snail’s pace. Then they send it to me and proudly say that there are 155k words and that it’s the first in a trilogy. I read the writing sample and see paragraph after paragraph of dense text with no breaks for dialogue or scene. These are the high word count manuscripts that are problematic. Because, clearly, the author hasn’t revised enough. And if I tell them what really needs to happen — that they need to lose about 50% of their words — they’ll have an aneurysm.

But, truthfully, if your word count is anything over 100k in children’s, it better be higher-than-high YA fantasy. And all those words better be good. Cutting words and scenes and “killing your babies,” as I like to put it, is one of the most hard-won revision skills any writer can have. And it usually comes after you’ve done lots and lots and lots of revision in your life. Many debut authors haven’t yet learned how to make — and enjoy — this type of word sacrifice. It shows.

Now, there’s also a real reason I usually balk at manuscripts with a high word count, besides my own busy inbox and the fact that most really wordy manuscripts reflect a lack of polish and revision. So, as we’ve already established, a lot of my highest word count submissions come from debut authors. For editors, debut authors are an exciting but fundamental risk. They’re untested in the marketplace, they could potentially lose the publisher a lot of money.

Words equal pages and pages equal money in terms of production costs. Longer books are also heavier and bigger, so the publisher will have to invest more in shipping costs and warehouse space, which all figures into their bottom line before they even acquire the book. (All editors have to guess how much money their house will have to spend to publish this book and how much earning potential the book has. They have to put it together and present it to their team before they can make an offer. It’s called a Profit and Loss Statement or, in my mind, The Spreadsheet of Terror.)

The more words a manuscript has, the more expensive it’ll be to turn into a book. So editors will frown if I try to send them a really long book from a debut author. Their investment in this book will have to be much higher and, these days especially, there’s less chance they’ll take that kind of risk on a debut. So I have to think about that when I think about representing a longer manuscript, too. I’m here to sell your many words, not just enjoy them by myself. :)

As ChristaCarol says, there are different accepted word count limits for different genres and age groups. This is the part I hesitate to do, but I will throw my hat in the ring and suggest some maximum word counts for different types of projects.

  • Board Book — 100 words max
  • Early Picturebook — 500 words max
  • Picturebook — 1,000 words max (Seriously. Max.)
  • Nonfiction Picturebook — 2,000 words max
  • Early Reader — This varies widely, depending on grade level. I’d say 3,500 words is an absolute max.
  • Chapterbook — 10,000 words max
  • Middle Grade — 35,000 words max for contemporary, mystery, humor, 45,000 max for fantasy/sci-fi, adventure and historical
  • YA — 70,000 words max for contemporary, humor, mystery, historical, romance, etc. 90,000 words max for fantasy, sci-fi, paranormal, etc.

Now, again, these are just estimates I’ve gathered from my experience. (Disclosure: Early Readers and Chapterbooks are not my personal forte.) If a manuscript goes over the maximum that editors usually deal with, there has to be a damn good reason.

Let me also address right now that I’ve been seeing some queries for “Early Middle Grade” in the 7,000 word range. No, no, no. That’s too tiny. Middle Grade, even Early Middle Grade, beings at around 15,000 words minimum. But this does bring to light that there are all sorts of gray areas. Upper Middle Grade. Lower YA. The sometimes-mocked label of “Tween.” So word count is a tricky wicket. How about this? If you’re worried that your book is too long and you sometimes dread doing yet another revision because there’s so much of it to read… cut! And know that some agents do automatically reject manuscripts because of their length. I’m not quite there yet but, if I do see something over 80k, it has to work pretty darn hard to convince me that all those words are necessary.

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Querying With a Series and Series in General

October 21, 2009 in Advice, Editors, Publishing, Queries | 22 comments

This is the question I got the other week from Elan:

How do you feel about authors querying about a series? Is it important to mention that in the initial query letter, or is that something that can be discussed once an author/agent relationship is established? Let’s say the first book is complete but the others in the series are not.

Good question, Elan. This is something a lot of writers should be researching before they query because — if you’ve been under a rock for the last year or so and haven’t heard — the rules in publishing have changed a little bit since the economy tanked. This might not be my answer forever, but this is my answer right now.

Series have been snapped up left and right by the big houses in the recent past, ever since Harry Potter proved that you could keep the cash flowing for many, many books. A few years ago, it wasn’t uncommon to see two, three or even four-book deals right out of the gate, a healthy number of these going to debut authors. Fantasy, sci-fi and paranormal are three genres that lend themselves especially well to series and, if you asked the blogs a little while ago, they’d all say that writing “This project has strong series potential and I’m currently writing books two through five” in your query could very well be melodious to an agent’s ear.

Now houses are taking fewer risks. The average debut author is lucky if they can secure two books with their first contract. I was talking to an editor recently and she outlined the way her house has been approaching series: they buy the first book, maybe in a two-book deal but maybe as a stand-alone, release it, see how it does, and only then do they consider turning it into a series. If they do, they’ll commit through probably a trilogy (so two more books) or more. I like this model, maybe not from a bank account or a prestige standpoint but from an intellectual one. It’s cautious. It’s logical. It’s practical. It doesn’t assume the risk of a series right away, it makes the author and their debut earn the subsequent books. Intimidating thought, I know, but are you really in the writing gig for the easy money? :) Didn’t think so.

This isn’t fun to hear for all the fantasy and paranormal and sci-fi writers who have planned seven-book story arcs. But it’s smart. Publishing can’t really be handing out four-book deals like candy anymore. It’s bad for the house because they’re spending a lot of money on untested talent and will have to compete in a very crowded fantasy/paranormal/sci-fi marketplace. It’s bad for the author, too, because the last thing you want people saying about you is: “Wow, poor writer, Publishing House gave her a four-book deal and the first book didn’t even sell that well. Now she’s stuck, her editor isn’t enthusiastic about the project anymore and the house lost a ton money. Bummer.”

It’ll be that much harder to get a new contract for future work from your publisher — why invest more in a product that doesn’t leave the shelves? — or attract a new house because everyone can see your dismal sales numbers. The conventional wisdom of “If a house pays more for a book or series, they’ll do more to promote it” isn’t necessarily true anymore. Big books and series still tank and, when they do, they tank big.

So, when you’re imagining a series in all its shiny, multi-book glory, the best thing you can do with the first book is make it a complete, stand-alone story. There’s definitely a pattern with series, in terms of what function each book serves. A trilogy, for example, will sometimes go like this:

  • Book One: set-up and background and initiation
  • Book Two: exploration and character development
  • Book Three: showdown!

But if you send an agent a book that’s all set-up and background info and initiation, it doesn’t stand alone. I’m going to say: “Well, that’s great, but what actually happens? This all seems like prologue…” There has to be a full and compelling plot, rich character development, a climax and a denouement for this manuscript, and it has to be satisfying, even if there are other books planned. And why wouldn’t you put all of your best work and your best effort into this first book? Don’t hold on to the good stuff for Book Six. You might never get there. If the market can only bear your debut, you should still feel good that you’ve created a wonderful story. Even if GRACELING didn’t have two other books attached to it, it would still have stood alone and been a perfect, utterly satisfying fantasy novel. That’s what it takes in today’s market.

I’d also warn unagented, unpublished writers away from developing an entire series and finishing all those manuscripts a) before querying and b) before landing a publishing contract for your first book(s). The most painful thing to see is seven completed series manuscripts that are gathering dust because the author couldn’t attract an agent for or sell the first one.

So when you query, do let me know if you’ve got a series in mind. But now, instead of hearing about how you’re working on Book Twenty-Nine, the following sentence would be music to my ears: “This project has strong series potential but this manuscript tells a complete tale and stands alone.*”

* And, you know, have this be true.

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Review: Prophecy of the Sisters

July 27, 2009 in Reviews | 7 comments

by Michelle Zink
Young Adult, 352 pages.
Little, Brown Young Readers (2009)
ISBN: 978-0316027427

Shortly after her father’s death, Lia Milthorpe finds herself the centerpiece of an ancient prophecy. She also discovers she’s in direct opposition to her twin sister, Alice, at a time when she feels most alone in the world.

Lia must find secret clues her father left behind, figure out her role in the prophecy and stop Alice from unleashing dangerous evil that threatens the world as they know it.

An 1890’s historical novel, set in the Gothic landscape of upstate New York where the sun never seems to shine, PROPHECY OF THE SISTERS is a chilling glimpse of evil, of other dimensions and of the dark side of human nature.

The writing here is very atmospheric and evokes a dark, somber mood of dread that keeps the tensions high. As Lia and her friends and family get more and more enmeshed in the mythology of the Prophecy of the Sisters, the world around them gets even more creepy.

The various clues they uncover and the mythology Zink creates kept me interested in the story, as did the tension between Lia, who sees the good in human nature, and Alice, who has joined the dark side, as it were.

My only complaint about the story is that the entirety of the narrative is spent on characters doing research, hunting for clues and getting ready for the epic battle of good v. evil that we know is coming up in a subsequent book. If anything, this felt like prequel and preparation, not the main event. Still, it is a warm-up that I’m glad to have, and I’m sure that the other books in the trilogy will deliver the action so tantalizingly promised here.

PROPHECY OF THE SISTERS officially comes out August 1st but is already available on Amazon and at many stores. Links: Shop Indie Bookstores, Amazon

For Readers: Fans of paranormal, Victorian or dark fantasy will love this book. It brings up a lot of questions about what it means to be part of a prophecy and to be responsible for the fate of the world. Usually, this kind of plot lands on the shoulders of some fantasy kick-ass action hero or heroine. Lia’s quiet, introspective character being saddled with this kind of responsibility is a new twist on a well-worn plot, and will win fans who’ll see themselves in the main character.

For Writers: There are a lot of prophecy books out there. If you’re writing one, I’d highly recommend picking up PROPHECY OF THE SISTERS because it delves deeply into the psychological impact that this prophecy has on the main character. A lot of heroes get slapped with a prophecy and then dive into it without looking back. How Lia handles her new role in the war between evil and good, as well as how this prophecy changes her family dynamic, is very realistic and human. Well done and well worth a thorough read.

You’ll also be smart to check out how Zink creates an entire mythology for the workings of this prophecy. The world she imagines is very thorough, with some great rules, and even encompasses seven Otherworlds! This aspect of the novel is airtight, very specific and totally believable.

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Rick Riordan Event at Capuchino High School With Books Inc!

May 10, 2009 in Events | 2 comments

Hey all! I’ve been to two great events in the last couple days, Rick Riordan yesterday and Cindy Pon on Friday. I’m posting about them in reverse order. Here’s Rick and I’ll put up pictures from Cindy’s later this evening, because I’ve got to run off for a BBQ and pool party for Mother’s Day!

So, yesterday’s event with Rick Riordan was so much fun. There were over 500 people who came out to Capuchino High School in San Bruno to get books signed and hear a talk by the bestselling author. First things first: his name is pronounced “Rye-ordan” not “Ree-ordan,” as explained by Walter, emcee, bookseller and librarian extraordinaire. When I only know a name from reading it, I usually have no idea how to pronounce it. This is one of the many occasions where I’ve been saying it wrong for years.

You can tell immediately that Rick has spoken to a big crowd before. He has a warm, charming personality and really feels at home behind the microphone. The lighting in the auditorium was very dark and moody, otherwise I would’ve gotten some pictures of him speaking. He answered questions from kids and spoke about how his idea for Percy Jackson and a group of demigods originated from his son’s love of Greek mythology. When Rick ran out of myths to tell stories about, his son told him to make up a new one. And, since the Greek gods are technically immortal, the idea that they’re still around, making half-god babies and wreaking havoc, was born!

I was also impressed with how many projects Rick has coming out. Later this fall, he is launching a brand new series about a new generation of demigods coming to Camp Half-Blood and fulfilling new prophecies. Next year, he’ll also have another series, this one dealing with Egyptian mythology. And, if that wasn’t enough, he has a movie of THE LIGHTNING THIEF coming out in February, 2010, which is currently shooting in Vancouver with Uma Thurman and Pierce Brosnan.

After a short talk and some questions answered, Rick cheerfully took on the task of signing the thousands of books people brought. Almost everyone in the audience had more than one, if not an entire stack of them, for him to sign. Even though my mom never did get her coffee (Get it? Capuchino High School? I love you, Mom, but your stand-up act isn’t ready for prime time just yet), it was a great day and a wonderful chance to meet this rock star, bestselling author. Thanks to the crew at Books Inc. for making it happen.

Rick signing books, with Summer from Books Inc. helping out!

More signing!

I also have an announcement for who won the signed Rick Riordan book. I wasn’t able to get my hands on another copy of his latest THE LAST OLYMPIAN without getting out of the signing line, so I got a THE SEA OF MONSTERS paperback signed to… Click below to find out!

Read the rest of this entry »

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Review: Silver Phoenix

April 29, 2009 in Reviews | 2 comments

by Cindy Pon
Young Adult, 352 pages.
Greenwillow, HarperTeen (2009)
ISBN: 978-0061730214

No suitor wants seventeen year-old Ai Ling because they think her father betrayed the Emperor many years ago. This great agony turns out to be her greatest gift. When her father disappears, she’s free to go after him, armed with the necklace she gave her when she was just a little girl: a jade pendant bearing the symbol for “Spirit.”

On her journey, Ai Ling meets brothers Chen Yong and the hilarious Li Rong. The further she journeys to find her father, the more she’s aware that her pendant seems to awaken powers in herself. She can project her spirit into another’s body and hear their thoughts, she also enjoys bursts of warrior strength when she’s in danger. Oh yes, and she’s become somewhat of an evil magnet, with every being in Chinese folklore out to get her. Will she reach the imperial palace where her father is being held hostage? Will she take the one suitor who’s been waiting to have her for centuries to save her family?

The lush plot of SILVER PHOENIX is hard to articulate here. There are imaginative monsters, family lore and danger at every turn. Through it all, Ai Ling and Chen Yong do battle, deveop deep and truthful feelings for each other and feast on lavishly described meals. Have enough bloggers mentioned that this novel makes you a hunger fiend for delicious Chinese food? (Here and here, for example.) I was reading it last night with one hand on the phone, ready for Cindy Pon to somehow communicate to me, through code in the prose, that it was okay to order something for delivery.

It turns out that Ai Ling’s powers and destiny come from the fact that she was a woman called Silver Phoenix in an earlier life. She must channel these powers near the end to overcome her greatest foe yet, but not without sacrifice. I would have loved even more emphasis on the Silver Phoenix storyline as it leads up to the climax. However, I would not change a thing about the last chapter. No matter how much glorious food there is in this novel, Cindy Pon does not let Ai Ling have her cake and eat it, too. Ai Ling triumphs over most things, but Cindy refuses to let her enjoy the romantic happy ending that most authors would’ve included. That choice made the entire book resonate more strongly with me.

If you want adventure, a great balance of tidy writing and exciting story, and a protagonist who has her strength tested in fantastic ways but learns a very real lesson about herself, check out SILVER PHOENIX — which came out yesterday. Pick up a copy for yourself and one for a friend at your favorite indie bookstore!

For Readers: A blazingly fast read that would be especially exciting for girls who like fantasy with strong character and great writing. This could even be a hit with boys who want a relatively familiar world but with a girl protagonist. While some of the conflicts can seem repetitive (monster, slay, repeat) there is great emotional content here as Cindy explores family, love and loss. I’m very, very glad that I stayed up (way too late) reading this in one enormous gulp!

For Writers: I’ve mentioned Cidny’s balancing act already but I think it bears repeating: there is a very pleasing mix here of prose and action, plot and world, love and duty, growth and obstacle. One of my favorite things about this book was the rich world-building that Cindy managed. She rendered the world in a very distinctive style, like one of her gorgeous brush paintings. And the best part about it was that, once she did this, she didn’t have to spend hardly any time at all to introduce new towns, new people, new creatures. All of these things seemed to evolve very naturally. If you’re building a world of any kind, read this book to see what total and effortless immersion feels like. The ancient Chinese landscape is such a fascinating setting, also, because of all the fantastical animals and folklore she gets to play around with. Bravo!

As some of you might know, Cindy is a great friend and resource to many in the online kidlit community. You can check out her website here and follow her on Twitter: @cindypon. She’s one of the warmest and most radiant debut writers and I couldn’t be happier for her!

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Aaand… Action! How to Write An Action Sequence

April 27, 2009 in Advice, Revision, Writing | No comments

The more action sequences I read, the more I’m convinced that they’re the Achilles’ heel of even the most seasoned writer (with the exception of thriller writers, of course). Lovely and agile prose sometimes tends to fall apart when a lot of action is called for.

This is a difficult situation for writers who have to contend with an action movie world. Cinematography can do things that prose can’t. It can show us five quick moves from a martial arts sequence in the space of one second.

Take this example from page 83 of SKULLDUGGERY PLEASANT*, a perfectly lovely book that came out with HarperCollins in 2008, written by Derek Landry, a screenwriter, as it happens:

He screamed and let her go and staggered back, cursing, and Stephanie rolled off the car and ran to the Bentley.

Give that sentence a coffee break, it’s been working too hard! As you can see, there’s a bit of conjunctivitis going on (and no, I’m not talking about pink eye, I’m talking about an overload of conjunctions). The author’s “and” addiction sends way too many images shooting at the reader and we can’t quite make a clear picture of the action. Put this sentence in a group of similar sentences and we’ll get whiplash.

This is a reminder to check back on all of your action sequences and run through these revision tips:

  1. Clarity. If you hadn’t written it, would you be able to tell what’s going on? So much, well, action happens in an action sequence that clarity is of the utmost importance.
  2. Consistency. Just because they’re in an action sequence, characters should still act and speak like themselves. They should not develop any surprising but convenient powers or skills in the heat of the action.
  3. Sentence variety. The heavy emphasis on description in an action sequence usually means that style takes a backseat. For example, you get an entire paragraph of sentences that start the same: “He grabbed his gun… He volleyed over the wall… He slid into the driver’s seat… He skidded to a halt to smell the roses…” Make sure your sentences have structural variety. Your readers will get bored with all the “Subject verb” construction.
  4. Brevity. Even if your plot calls for the longest action sequence in the world, make sure there are pauses in between bouts of action. Break it up with some snappy dialogue, let the character take a breather. No one can be an action machine 24/7, that includes the reader whose heartbeat has been (hopefully) racing for the last ten pages. Let them take a rest.
  5. Believability. Alas, every action sequence must come to an end sometime. Make sure yours ends in a believable way. No “how convenient” scrapes. No deus ex machina**. And don’t be afraid to let something go wrong or to let someone get hurt. There are always winners AND losers in an action sequence. Give us a taste of both.

There you have it. Now go forth and blow our action-movie-addled minds!

* All awkward action sequences aside, you should definitely read SKULLDUGGERY PLEASANT or either of its two sequels if you write MG.

* Latin: “god from the machine.” This term refers to “a plot device in which a person or thing appears or is introduced suddenly and unexpectedly and provides a contrived solution to an apparently insoluble difficulty” (nice, articulate definition from Wikipedia). Just ‘cuz those brainiac Ancient Greeks thought this up doesn’t mean it’s a good or compelling idea for your manuscript!

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What Happens Here?

April 14, 2009 in Revision, Writing | No comments

Every once in a while, I stumble upon a dead scene. One where, technically, nothing happens. It usually involves either an author who is brimming with information or really loves writing witty banter.

In two manuscripts I’ve read recently, I’ve encountered dead scenes. These dead scenes occurred for two completely different reasons. For one, the author felt compelled to outline the bulk of a fantasy world in the form of a more-experienced person filling a newbie in. The second MS, the author had established some good tension and a compelling plot with potential danger, then spent about 40 or 50 pages writing: witty banter at a family dinner, a witty scene at the best friend’s house, witty banter at another family dinner, witty banter at the coffee house, witty banter by the lockers at school.

Are you getting my drift? What do the two above mss. have in common? What’s that? Did you say “lot’s o’ blabbing”? Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

When you find large places in your MS with nothing but dialogue, you’re most likely in trouble. *cue wails of distress, cries of “but my MS is different!”* That very well might be, but editors and agents are looking for story, they’re looking for plot. In most cases, even a literary, character-driven masterpiece will only be half the package.

I’ve never met a publishing professional who wouldn’t also want to know: “What happens next?”

Authors usually either write long conversation scenes to serve as a) an info-dump (about a world, a situation, a threat, a character, etc.), or b) to bask in their own wit/wordplay/writing.

Both of these pose huge revision problems. Huge. Make-you-want-to-eat-a-sheet-of-tiramisu-from-Costco huge (I know from experience… I can still taste the powdered chocolate dusting my tear-stained cheeks). The first author wails: “But how else do I introduce all that information??? It’s the crux of my story!!!”

The answer is: you layer it. Introduce one thing. Then add another layer to it. Add some backstory in another conversation. Better yet, make your explanation triggered by something. Your characters find something and it starts a story. Or something happens and a character explains something. Instead of having a conversation triggered by your urge to world-build and spill the framework of your concept, have it be triggered by action. And don’t give it to us all at once. Put the pieces together as they arise naturally through plot.

The second writer will balk at this advice: “But this is hilarious. It’s so fun to read!” Sure, you wrote some funny stuff. And I’ll probably enjoy reading it. But most writers can’t keep a book in suspended plot animation for long before a reader gets antsy. If you want to showcase your wit, punctuate it with action. Have a witty moment discussing something that happened. De-stress after a long day of ACTION by hanging out with your BFF and bantering. Don’t let the witty banter be the entire book, though. That’s the grave mistake.

As you can see, the answer to both situations is action. Something happening. Plot. Every scene and every chapter must not only develop character and story and world, they must also move the plot forward. Another reason to avoid long dialogue scenes without plot is that dialogue leads toward telling, not showing.

Are you worried about this? Good. If you’re the fantasy writer in my examples, start with the chapters you loathe re-reading the most. The ones dense with info you already know, the ones you tend to skim in revisions. That’s where your problem lies. If you’re the second writer, start with the chapters you love the most. The ones that make you feel the most satisfied. The ones where you’re showing off. My guess is that they’re the witty banter ones.

Neither is easy. But when you’re revising, ask yourself about every scene, every chapter: “What happens here?”

Honesty is important. If your honest answer is: “Two characters walk into a room, sit down at the table and talk,” that’s trouble.

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A Magic of Convenience

April 3, 2009 in Revision | 2 comments

There are tons and tons of manuscripts out there whose main characters have magic powers. I’m not knocking that, no way! My manuscripts have the occasional magical MC. The more I read, though, the more a strange habit rears its little head. I have committed this sin before, so I can totally empathize. But let’s honestly lay it out there: sometimes, our characters’ magic powers are a little too, er, convenient to be believable.

This issue has to do with how well a fantasy (or magical realism) world is defined. Read on!

Every once in a while, I encounter a manuscript that goes like this:

Lizzie’s powers were absolutely ineffective against the charm-locked door. Not even her Open Sesame spell could break the lock. Conveniently, any wizard of the Caldecott Bloodline, which Lizzie just happened to be a descendant of, could breeze right through. Luckily I remembered that! Saved me a lot of trouble, Lizzie thought as she jumped through the enchanted doorway.

This is, obviously, an exaggeration. But note a few things here. First, we go from a situation with tension and potential danger (a door locked by magic) to a situation with no tension whatsoever. Instead of making it hard for the character, instead of making the character work, the author (in this case, me) has given the MC an easy way out. Also, every time you catch yourself using words like “conveniently” or “luckily” or “just happened to…,” take another look at the structure of your scene. See if you can’t scare up some more danger or tension.

Some much wiser writer once said that the crux of good fiction is getting a character in trouble, getting them in deeper trouble, then getting them in the deepest trouble of their life. There are too many manuscripts where the character’s magic helps them out right when they should be getting into trouble instead.

Like I mentioned above, this is a rules and boundaries issue. Every time you have fantasy/magic/magical realism in a manuscript, you’ve got to set rules and boundaries for how the fantastical elements function. When can a power be used? When can’t it be used?

Sometimes an author will pull a character out of danger in a very convenient way. Other times, the author will land a character in the very lap of danger by convenient means instead of raising stakes realistically. Neither is a good strategy. An example of the latter:

Our valiant hero, Lizzie, squinted up at the cave opening. She was trapped so far down in this underground hole that she thought she’d never get out. Then she remembered her super pole-vaulting superpower! She readied her pole and prepared to vault when her shoulder grazed part of the cave wall. Oh, no! Was this limestone? Her grandmother had repeatedly told her, when she was a child, that only limestone would make her pole-vaulting magic fizzle. Lizzie was stuck again and the leprechauns could be heard drawing ever closer!

Next time you work with fantasy or magical powers, make sure you’re not doing anything for the sake of writerly laziness or convenience. Outline the rules and set boundaries for the magic throughout the manuscript. Ideally, once the character gets in a certain situation, the reader will already know the limits of their magic.

Introducing a new rule about magic right when the main character can either benefit or suffer from that rule is not usually a very provocative technique.

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