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Three When One Will Do

I’ve been doing a lot of editing recently and have noticed a quirk that I’m totally guilty of. Instead of choosing one very strong image that says it all, writers don’t quite trust their readers to get it (a very common problem) and are dogpiling several related ideas into one sentence of description.

For example:

Looking at the buffet, she was so famished that she could swallow it all in one gulp, leaving nothing left, licking even the grease trap of the giant rotisserie oven clean.

Girl is hungry, we get it! (Side note: Don’t try and write examples on an empty stomach.) Here we have three images, one weak (leaving nothing left), one medium (swallow it all in one gulp) and one very strong and specific (the grease trap thing).

The reason I went a bit off the deep end with the final image is that it is unusual, descriptive, and teaches us a little bit about character while conveying the same information as the other two–not only is she hungry, but she’s a little grungy, and knows her way around a kitchen. There are people who just want the tenderloin steak, and then there are people who want the gristle and bones to gnaw clean. The strange way her mind goes to the drippy, fat-caked grease trap puts her firmly in the latter camp.

So pick one strong, specific image with potential emotional or characterizing undertones to it. Your aim isn’t to give a reader information as many times as possible, it’s to do it once, and ideally in a memorable way. Less is more. In fact, in writing, piling imagery onto one idea actually dilutes the effect instead of concentrating it.

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  1. Christina C.’s avatar

    Oh my. I want to know what this character will do in an ice cream factory!!

    Great post. Very helpful :)

  2. Jennifer Tzivia MacLeod’s avatar

    “We get it!” I need a little character in my word processor who pops up to shout this at me. :-D
    Included this post in my quick roundup of the Best of the Kids’ Writing Blogs for this week. Advice all of us could probably use.

  3. Julie Daines’s avatar

    Wonderful advice, as usual.

    I wanted to stop by your blog and tell you how much I LOVE your book. It’s one of the best craft books out there. When I go do author presentations to other writers, I like to bring a writing book to give away as a door prize. I’ve given away about half a dozen of Writing Irresistible Kidlit, and whoever wins it always comes back and tells how much they loved it. Lots of great information in that book.

  4. Ken Baker’s avatar

    Great example! Thanks for sharing.

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