Concrete Writing: Using Specific Language

I see a lot of vague writing instead of concrete writing in novel openings: danger and secrets and tension and action, but with no real specific language. If you’ve ever listened to the trailer for an action movie, you know what I’m talking about. A guy with a deep and raspy voice (think Will Arnett) is narrating as the sun rises over a wasted landscape:

In a world of destruction, the danger of explosive secrets will bring one man to the edge.

concrete writing, specific language
Ditch the vague writing and give readers a clear picture of what your story’s about from the very beginning.

Vague Writing: Sounds Great, But Where’s the Story?

Sounds great. Really juicy. Until you think about it and realize you have no idea what the movie’s about because of the absence of concrete writing. Well, this is the kind of thing you want to avoid in your prose and in your elevator pitch. I see this a lot with novel openings. Writers think that they can juice up the story tension by making their first few paragraphs sound like action-trailer nonsense. They often do this in queries, also, where they give me even less of an inkling as to what their book is really about.

We get a lot of talk about danger and secrets and tension and action, but nothing is actually communicated without concrete writing. And since it has all been telling, the reader never feels the emotions that those volatile things are supposed to be stirring.

The Antidote? Concrete Writing

I don’t want to hear about “danger,” I want to see it, and I want to know exactly what it is and what it means for the character. I don’t want to hear about “secrets,” I want to be blown out of the water by them and see their high-stakes ramifications play out on character and relationship. If you find yourself filling your opening paragraph with vague writing, delete it and start in scene, with specific language, action, and characters.

That pretty much does it for my daily “show, don’t tell” plug. Now, I’m off on my day of intrigue, excitement, and thrills!

(Translation: My day of reading a manuscript, taking a lunch meeting, and checking out my new gym. Sure, this line-up doesn’t exactly sound as flashy as “intrigue, excitement, and thrills,” but it is specific, and now you have a much clearer sense of my day.)

Is your novel beginning missing concrete writing? Hire me as your novel editor and I’ll help you develop a compelling opening.

14 Replies to “Concrete Writing: Using Specific Language”

  1. Mary Ann Duke says:

    My fourth graders knew about specificity. I preached it daily. Then, one day i saw im my WIP that I had NOT practiced what I’d preached. Humbling.

  2. In a world of information overload, where false facts fly through cyberspace, there is still one place where hungry folks can at last fill their need for truth.

    Translation: Mary Kole’s website has the best advice for writers.

  3. Mary Ann — Ain’t that always the case?

    LOL, thanks Julie!

  4. If only I had a voice-over to narrate my day. My life would seem so much more exciting!

    As usual, thanks for the great advice.

  5. Great tip! Be specific! Thanks, Mary! Now I’m going to finish cooking a Korean meal for my family.

  6. Only one man will be brought to the edge? What about all the other people? And the edge of what? Frankly, if I lived in a world of destruction, I’d probably rather live on the edge than right downtown. Just sayin’.

    Oh, what’s that? Missed the point? Whatever do you mean?

  7. I would like to specifically thank you for contributing to my education as a writer. I look forward to reading other posts in the future.

  8. Great tip, Mary. I’m really not sure if I’m cut out to be a novelist and with so many poems and picture books on the go it is easy to ignore my (in need of some ‘specifics’ MG), but I do have a beta reader reading it at last, so I’ll know for sure if it’s hamster cage material or salvagable. Thanks for showing us how to show.

  9. Oh Wow, I think each post is written for me. :/ As a cold wind howls through the deepest recesses of my barren consciousness, I return to a place neither here nor there and languish over the ghosts of my content. Was I dreaming or did I build an actual story?

    Translation: Back to the drawing board…

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