It hasn’t happened to me yet, but I know that I’ll get ragged on for telling people the truth, as I see it. Writers are sensitive beings. I say some pretty harsh things. Like that you’ve got to write a million bad words before you can start writing seriously. Or that getting published is easy, if you’re good. Some of these things are not fun or easy to hear. I’m sorry for that, but I’m not sorry I say them. Why? Because they’re true.
Writing is a difficult, solitary, extremely personal thing. People spend years of their lives pouring their souls and creativity into a project. I’m acutely aware of that fact every time I sit down to read slush. Not only am I rejecting a particular manuscript, I could be rejecting years of a person’s life. It’s a tremendous responsibility and an amazing act of trust. I don’t take it lightly, even if I do make jokes about bad queries or the slush sometimes to keep things lively on the blog. Many of my friends are writers. I make a living by working with writers. I write myself. I have the highest respect and reverence for both writer and the written word. And that’s exactly why I dish out the truth, even if it sometimes sounds harsh or callous.
The biggest thing that stands between a writer and their own success is their ego. So many critique groups flourish on the idea of positive reinforcement. Unpublished writers sit around complimenting each other for hours and tiptoe around the problems. Everyone feels good but nobody learns, nobody grows, nobody goes through that horrible revision that makes them want to eat a gallon of ice cream every five minutes. And nobody gets published.
It’s very difficult to divorce yourself from your writing, since writing is so deeply personal. However, writing is personal, yes, but the business of publishing isn’t. Divorcing the two in your mind is the only way to grow and learn anything. Feel free to have that “I’m a genius and nobody else understands me!” moment. But don’t get stuck there. The fact of the matter is, there are many aspiring writers out there who are constantly honing their craft. Don’t get behind just because you’re afraid of a little criticism. (Don’t follow all criticism and change everything about your work for other people, of course, but that’s for another post…)
Here are the facts, as I see them: Not everyone who wants to will get published. A lot of people’s writing is mediocre and will most likely stay that way because nobody has ever told them it’s mediocre. Some critique groups are more harmful than helpful because everyone is afraid to actually, you know, critique. Not every book deserves to be published… in fact, many writers practice with two, three, five, ten manuscripts before they ever start to see a positive response from agents or editors.
It’s tough going. Really tough. It’s in your best interest to develop a thick skin, learn how to take criticism and rejection, separate yourself from what you’ve put on a page, learn everything you can about the industry, get realistic, and keep writing every day. The one-in-a-million publication stories are the ones you hear because they’re glamorous. Most people get published through the tears, snot, spilled coffee, midnight breakdowns and rare moments of joy that comprise a long time spent chasing a dream. It’s not terribly sexy, nor is it quick. But that’s how people make it and that’s the truth.
You come to this blog to learn things from the perspective of someone who sees thousands of queries, reads thousands of manuscripts and meets thousands of writers. Unlike well-meaning critique partners or clueless friends, it’s not in my best interest to sugarcoat. But I will tell you that books sell every day and that dreams do come true. When they do, though, it’s no accident or luck on the part of the writer, agent or editor, it’s hard work and determination and the hard-earned reward at the end of a long road. Unless you’re Stephenie Meyer, as this funny op-ed from agent Stephen Barbara recently pointed out. But that origin story is taken, so it’s time to find your own.
Tags: Despair
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I have been fortunate enough to find a critique group where everyone is serious about the art of writing (on some days, though, writing feels more like a science experiment that never goes right), and is committed to the mutual growth of the members as writers.
I completely agree that there is no point in having your work critiqued, if you’re not willing to take the criticism offered your work. My critique group follows the implicit rule that any criticism can be offered constructively. Though it doesn’t necessarily mean that you get your kid gloves out every time you critique anyone’s work, I’ve found that expressing your opinion as an opinion rather than a hard fact, and critiquing the work rather than the author herself (thus effectively divorcing the author from her writing – love that phrase and concept, btw) is a better way of providing critique.
I couldn’t agree more with you, Mary, about the need for growing a thick skin, but boy, is the road to get there steep, or what? However, hasn’t someone said that the second you stop learning, you’re dead?
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Tears…check. Snot…check. Spilled coffee (and tea and beer and wine and water)…check. Midnight breakdowns…check. Rare moments of joy…check.
I’ve spent the last six months buried deep in that revision that constantly makes me want to eat a half gallon of ice cream. (I had to stop buying ice cream.) The worst part about it is that I know this book might be another practice novel. It might never be good enough.
That’s the hard part, keeping going when I know it might not end in success. I understand why so many writers cloak their brains in an I’m-a-Genius fantasy. It slows their improvement to a glacial pace, but it makes life a lot easier.
Melissa
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Terri, I’m happily settled in a critique group that always speaks their mind, so I’m not sure how much help I’d be. But…
You may want to look for a group that will point out the flaws in your MS.
If this is the only group you can find, perhaps you could give them specific things to look for. What do they mean by slow start? What parts were boring? When did it really start for them? Were there any parts they had to read twice to understand?
And if you’re happy with pacing and tension, ask for feedback about characters and setting. Can they describe the personalities of your characters back to you, etc.
You might also want to check out online forums for cyber critique partners.
Good luck to you!
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So true, so true, writing is quite difficult. And it seems that passages I love just look like crap a couple months later. It’s an ongoing process.
Great blog, by the way. Lots of good stuff I need to check out later.
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You’re absolutely right about the importance of having a thick skin and learning how to take criticism. I’ve worked as a playwright for many years, so I’m always used to the give and take in constant readings with actors, talks with directors, feedback with audiences, and reviews in the press (talk about needing a thick skin).
The funny thing is that I’m used to feedback when I’m working on play scripts, but when I started writing fiction, I found it took a while to develop the ability to have a thick skin about comments and feedback–the work is (especially at first) so much closer to home. I’ve been lucky to find a good critique group who are experienced writers and readers, and who know how to give feedback in a way that can lead to useful improvements.
Being in a writer’s group that’s too nice can be a problem, but so can being in one where people give the wrong kind of feedback at the wrong time. If you want to be really helpful in a group, you not only need to give honest feedback, you need to do it in a way that makes the opinions/ideas useful to that particular writer. Obviously I don’t expect that from agents/editors–I just want the straight unvarnished truth from them. Though I would imagine that over time, agents also learn how and when to give feedback to their clients in ways that are most appropriate–not every writer needs the same kinds of comments, in the same tone.
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Snot and breakdowns, wow–you make it sound so glamorous.
Awesome post, as always. Very, very true. That’s why, even though I cringe a little before I open beta comments or attachments from my crit group, I do it anyway–bc I know they’re only going to help me grow as a writer.
I dunno if I’ll ever get that elusive thick skin you talk about, lol–but I do want the truth, pain and all. Hmmm…does that make me a masochist?
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So glad this blog exists, and you along with it.
Thanks for the sugar coating-free post. Snot, tears, and all, I’m enjoying the facts and the assertion that hard work, constant revisions, and years is what it’s all about.
Last night I discussed writing with my husband (around the background noise of our 4 young children). I told him I see people who want to “just get published” as absurd as parents who “just want adult children already.”
Where is the journey in that? Why skip all the good stuff to just get to the end? And find that the end is just probably another beginning?
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My critique group are monsters. There is only one of the five (she happens to be represented by your agency) who makes an effort to soothe the lacerations they inflict. Of course, I snap a mean whip, too, but I try to emulate her kind ways whenever possible and truthful.
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One of the panel sessions at the Fall 2009 SCBWI Carolinas Fall Conference in Durham, NC, was “Confessions of an Online MG Critique Group.” (See page 18 of Pen & Palette Winter 2010 at http://scbwicarolinas.org/Pen-and-Palette/.) At one point, two of the writers had yet to be published when a third, published, writer joined. Chris admitted that she was intimidated by Lisa’s status and wrote wimpy critiques until she realized one, that having a published author in their group was a huge opportunity, and two, that they were going to lose Lisa if Chris didn’t start giving critiques as good as she got. That story has stayed with me and parallels this post. Criticism is your friend. (http://www.rebeccapetruck.com/index-1a.html) Keep writing, everyone!
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I’m in an on-line group that submits stories anonymously, and we get assigned stories to crit. It really helps to take the personality out of the writing… you crit the words and don’t think about who wrote them. In other groups you form bonds and friendships, it’s then hard to be honest about how you feel. I guess when it’s face to face it must be tough to tell someone you don’t like their work. (Stay out of punching reach!)
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Not only will not everyone get published, but for those that are, not everything you write will get published. I have a whole file box of manuscripts that are what I now consider “writing exercises.” I think they definitely helped me become a better writer, not only in content, but in how to map out a plot, do research, and develop characters.
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Growing a thick skin is definitely important, but it’s also important to be prepared to grow that thick skin. So many people think that they’ll be a special case, like Stephanie Meyer, and that’s why they find themselves getting frustrated about a little constructive criticism. People just need to realize that getting a novel published or represented by an agent is not an easy thing. I’m always being asked, “When are you getting something published?” when people find out I’ve written novels, like they think all you have to do is write a book, send it to an editor, change a few typos, and BAM - you’re published. Things don’t really work that way, not usually, anyway, and new writers need to realize that. That’s why, when people ask me that question, I tell them, “Probably never, but I’m going to try anyway.”
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I don’t mind hearing how difficult it is, so long as I still read about people getting agents and selling their work. Love that article by Stephen Barbara. Thanks for the laugh!
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My skin should be bark by now. I’m so thankful for criticism-it improves my writing. Yes, it stings, but every bit I’ve ever had has made my work better, whether it’s art or writing. In college, our art critiques were absolutely brutal, face-to-face, in front of the class. Writing-the same. Having the professors read it out loud, anonymously, for everyone to tear apart…yikes. Brutal. It thickened my skin, for sure, and always made the project better. It’s hard not to take it personally, but critical feedback is so powerful.
I wish I had a critique-group. Right now it’s only my husband-the absolute pickiest, hardest-to-please person I know. -
I LOVED that article about Stephenie Meyer. Anyone who thinks it’s easy needs a definite wake up call. Her story, as great as it is, is one in a million. Thank you Mary for the insight about critique groups, I was just thinking about this the other day. I would really like to be part of a group, or at the very least partnered with someone, but I fear the time that is involved. With running my own company, chauffeuring children to activities, keeping up with the house, and finding time for my own writing, I can’t imagine having to read through someone else’s work on top of all that. However, I have never done it, so I really don’t know how involved it would be. Regardless, I think I’d like to give it a try anyway. I’ve been working on the same ms for almost a year now, and a fresh new pair of eyes could be useful. Thank you again for all your wisdom and advice!
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I actually wish I could get harsher critiques from some of my critique partners. I think my partners are generally pretty honest, but I still have that feeling in the back of my head that they’re still being too nice.
Thanks for your advice. I’ll come back for more
Julie
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When I first starting stacking up the rejections, I knew I was going to become a better writer. Every rejection made me determined to submit more; now I receive ‘yes’ slips as well as ‘no’ for my poetry. At first, my husband proudly posted my rejection notes on my corkboard in my office. He got the idea from Stephen King’s memoir On Writing. I took them down because I didn’t want to look at them every day. I keep them in a file. But now that my skin is ‘thicker’ those rejections don’t bother me as much. I often revise my work according to the ’suggestions’ and those pieces have been published. No, it isn’t easy to get a rejection letter and sometimes my hackles still go up, but the more you write and the more you send out, the easier it gets to accept criticism.
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Thanks for telling it to us straight! It’s hard to hear that your writing needs to improve, but honestly, who had perfect writing? No one. We’re all somewhere on the improvement scale, hopefully moving up!
Thanks for a great post.
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It’s funny, because I’m so hungry for people to tell me the truth, hard as it may be. I’ve been in critique groups where people tiptoed around each other and I felt like I was offending if I dished out a true critique. And some people just don’t want to hear it. I’m a fairly seasoned writer, and I once critiqued a beginning writer’s first chapter. It had some pretty substantial problems but I tried to be nice as I pointed them out. He wrote back and told me why I was wrong on all points and that he’d submitted it to an agent!
I spent several years as a reporter and then freelance writer, so maybe I got used to people dissecting my writing, it doesn’t bother me (okay, not much. And the part of me that does get bothered? I tell her to go stand in the corner). The hard part is to get someone to be honest! So thanks–I just recently found your blog, and I’m glad I did.
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As a creative writing student I’ve found constructive criticism through workshopping to be one of the most helpful aspect of my studies. Having said that, these sessions are challenging - not just when receiving feedback but also when giving it. For me, evaluating the work of others ‘on the spot’ is a skill that one develops with practice. I’m getting better at it but still have a long way to go!
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You speak the truth in a wise and witty manner.
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Don’t get behind just because you’re afraid of a little criticism. (Don’t follow all criticism and change everything about your work for other people, of course, but that’s for another post…)
Help! I have thick skin, truly. It’s not that I’m stubborn, just the opposite, I really want to learn. So…how do you know when to stick to your guns about your own writing and when to change your story? I get so many conflicting critques I’m drowning in confusion about this!!!!
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This post is so true. I have a few writer friends that are very critical and I always know that if I get positive comments from them I’ve got something good!
I think you can also learn a lot from a good critique. I had an agent critique a picture book manuscript at a conference once. As discouraging as it was, it really helped me to understand the picture book market and to realize that my writing style at the time was probably better suited for chapter books and novels. -
I agree that critique groups can potentially be harmful if they aren’t actually critiquing! I know it is difficult to be candid and honest and at the same time encouraging of another’s work. But, I won’t give, and hate to receive a blanket response like “This is great!” when I know it isn’t.
I love a critique that challenges my work and ultimately me!
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Great post!
When I joined my critique group, the first few criticisms stung, mainly because I’d never shared my work with anyone before. To be honest, it still stings sometimes, but my perspective has changed. I want my story to be as strong as it possibly can, and that means fixing the things that make it weaker, which means really listening to people when they point things out. I’ve been lucky enough to find some great beta readers that aren’t afraid to point out the weak parts. Seeing my story from someone else’s eyes has been a wonderful experience.
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Criticism can be a bitter pill but no better medicine. Our job as writers is to put ourselves out there. It doesn’t end with agents and editors. Once published every reader is a critic. Cherish your harshest critics — often your best teachers.
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Thanks for your honesty. I think it’s a rare treatment when you’re an aspiring writer. People see all the hope and promise you wear on your sleeve and don’t want to be the one to send you to the Cleaners.
My reality check came one evening last fall in a critique group hosted by a well respected Canadian Editor. I read my picture book story and got totally slammed by everyone, to the point where the Editor was questioning if I had successfully completed the prerequisite course to be in his class - how embarrassing! If I had a tail it would have been between my legs!
It took a while to get over, but it provided me with a new resolve to strive to better myself.
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Here I am. Writing again. This time I’m writing about what I read about writing. The writing was about when to write, how to write, and how to listen to what writers say about what they read of my writing.
This writing I read was valuable.
I cannot stop generating words. I cannot stop reading words. I cannot stop my ego. I’ve tried and she’s stronger than I am. I want others to read my writing. I want to make money. I don’t have a choice. These wants surface, no matter the unlikelihood of getting what I want.
The rejection is good for me, and it’s good for the world. If I succeed, I’ll make more money and use up all those dwindling resources. Even as a poor American, I already get more than my fair share.
We need failures like myself. There is not enough stuff to go around.
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Growing thick skin definitely doesn’t come overnight. A while back I was digging through some old stuff and came across an old notebook I used to write stories in as a kid. I thought, oh I should write, getting published is probably the easy part. I was way wrong. I have since studied the industry, attended a gazillion conferences, and critique groups.
Finding the right group of people is key. Join a critique group in your genre. Make sure to find trustworthy people who will be honest with you about your writing. I think so many writers stop writing because they go to critique groups or hear family members tell them their writing is the best thing since sliced bread, then they hit the send button and get disappointed. Sometimes you need to step back and take time to make your story great. 99.9% of writers are not Stephanie Meyer! Just keep in mind what the professionals will tell you and take your time.
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Accepting criticism can be hard but good criticism can often help a writer. The truth is that once we get past the sting of some of the comments and look at our work to find them truth of them we often find that there are things which can be changed for the better. I think part of it can also be how the reviewer handles the critique. I’ve heard that the best method for reviewing another writer’s work is to try to find at least two things you liked about the piece and mention those first then make comments on what can be improved. I think this is a good method since it keeps you from turning the other writer off by only giving negative criticism. Plus it helps me to try to see good in the writing even if there are a lot of other things I don’t like.
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Sometimes I think my critique partners are agents and editors in disguise. Thanks to their honest comments I’ve learned to enjoy the revision process. I’ve been with the same writers group for many years and keep my fingers crossed that we’ll be able to continue for many years to come. However, it is time to branch out. Your blog, Mary, will serve as a new beginning, a place to gain insight from others (I’m a first-time-blogger!). I look forward to revisiting kidlit.com.
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Terrific post! Thank you! I’ll be sure to refer my readers to it.
As a writing teacher, I’d like to add that there’s a way to give honest and thorough feedback–to tell the writer everything she needs to hear, both positives and challenges–in a way that empowers her to make those changes and succeed.
Don’t get me wrong. No matter what you do, it won’t always be received that way. There are a handful of folks who simply refuse to hear anything but praise and others who couldn’t hear good news, even if it were delivered via a chorus of angels. But far more often that not, it’s an entirely productive and positive experience.
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Cynthia — Thanks so much for checking out the blog! And your point is well taken.
Critique, above all, is a process of growth, learning, empowerment and evolution. The aim of a critique-giver should never be to cut down or “toughen up” their partner. The work of dealing with a critique and interpreting it lies solely with the writer. The job of a critique-giver is to, like Cynthia says, be honest and thorough and constructive. That’s not a synonym for “fake nice” but it doesn’t mean “snarky” either.
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Thanks for this post, Mary, and for your blog. Any critiquing expertise I had comes from my awesome MFA program at Vermont College. Bold promotion!
There I learned that positive feedback means pointing out what is working in a manuscript. Specific comments about specific passages help the writer notice her/his strengths. Sometimes a critique partner must look hard for evidence of strong writing, but there is always something -word choice, economy of words, character development possibilities. I try to begin my critiques with positive comments before addressing challenges.
In pointing out a manuscript’s weak points, I try to formulate questions that make the author think. One of my pet peeves is listening to a critiquer tell a writer exactly how to word a passage!
Also, listening is key in a critique. I have sat through too many sessions where the writer spends precious critique time defending the manuscript. I think that unless clarification is essential to the discussion, critiquers should not engage the writer. The end of the critique is the best time for a writer’s comments. Think of the additional feedback that is gained!
I believe specific positive feedback, not global gushing, helps the most. Constructive comments that challenge the writer to reassess can be made in a professional way without damaging anyone’s psyche.
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The truth hurts. That’s why so many people avoid it. But from what I have read in this blog, your truth is balanced with hope. And that’s refreshing. Thank you for taking a risk and sticking your neck out for us, the lonely writers!
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This is one of the most helpful articles I have read. Yes, of course I would love to hear that my book is fantastic and will be on the bestseller list but I know that’s not likely to happen. I do believe in hearing the truth and any suggestions and opinions that tell me what’s wrong with what I wrote can only make me a better writer IF I don’t get upset and give up after a harsh review.
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You’re right, us writers are a sensitive bunch. Although criticism may hurt, it’s how we improve our writing. I find the more of it I get, the easier it is to take. Thanks for taking the time to write this blog and all the advice you give.
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That’s one of the first things I tell someone when I start to read their manuscript. “I am brutal.” Because I would hope they’d be just as brutal when they read my manuscript. It doesn’t help me when someone says they like it. I need to know what they don’t like so I can fix it!
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In the animal kingdom it’s not unusual for certain species to eat some of their young so that rest of the litter can survive. My point? Simple: It’s a cruel world and as adults (or quasi-adults) we have to learn to live with rejection. Sometimes you get the mother’s milk, other times not…
Writers who can understand this and not take criticism and rejection personally are the ones that go on to have careers. And no matter how bad negative comments may seem, it’s not a matter of life and death. It only feels that way.
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Thick skin is easier to develop when you start with a critique group that has your best interests at heart. It still hurts, but when comments come to you lovingly, you can at least pretend you’re OK until you actually become OK. Give yourself time. Remember, your work is being judged not you. So, smile, say ‘thank you’ and move on!
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Is it kosher to query an agent who rejected you before with a new piece?
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This is the hardest part of the writing process for me–listening to someone else rip around the parts of me that I wrote into my work–but ultimately, if they offer good criticism, my work will be the better for it.
I’ve really enjoyed going through all of the information on the blog. Thanks for opening up the publishing world to the rest of us!
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Mstruitt — Yes, but do give it some time. We might’ve rejected you because of certain reasons to do with the writing or idea, so if we get another query very soon, we’re going to reasonably think that some of those issues are still going to be present in the new piece. I’d say to query with another piece, but wait about 6 months.
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Like Cynthia Smith, I teach writing and I teach how to critique in a way the writer can use. I find even — or is that especially — for myself, that I don’t actually know what I’m doing well, often. In fact, I tend to be better at catching that things are sagging, but may not know why. So I need both, and I need specific. I don’t let people give generalizations, and I ask them to speak for themselves, not try to proclaim universal truths — that’s good etc.
The most important thing about getting published I ever heard was from Madeleine L’Engle, who couldn’t get anyone to publish A Wrinkle in Time. Walking down the street one day, she recognized that writing was what she had to do, that was the end of it. Almost as important was Doris Lessing’s experiment. She was widely published, internationally acclaimed, and sent out a ms under a pseudonym to several publishers, starting with her own. She was turned down over and over. I read the novel — it was as good as any in the Martha Quest series and stays with me still. All to say, it’s not useful to be smug about the publishing game — it can be a rough ride. Publishers are people with opinions. Often the good stuff gets published, sometimes that happens eventually — and sometimes it’s not in vogue until a later date or …
It’s wonderful to get forthright, specific and insightful feedback. The insights are only as insightful as the person giving them. Truth is rarely universal. So thanks for the post as a heads up — and remember Madeleine L’Engle.
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Yes- skins need to thicken — but our hearts need to stay strong –and soft and understanding! We have to remember why we are writing in the first place- our love of story, of living with characters in worlds we create- of wonder- of wondering too, what will happen next, of our excitement as we begin a new chapter- or our character reacts to a situation and we type away, hardly knowing what will happen next ourselves. Let’s keep on reading- and reading great blogs like this one. I have been in sales, and because some customer said no, I did not stop selling, –because an agent turns me down, I will not stop writing–or reading their fun blogs, interviews or their advice. It’s all good.
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Marie — This does bring up a thought for me. The other end of the spectrum is getting hardened, jaded and discouraged. Once that worms its way into a heart, it’s hard to get rid of.
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I’m new hear, courtesy of a friend who pointed me to this site and the current Kidlit contest. I’m enjoying what I’m reading and consider it educational procrastination.
When I was taking Writing in Depth classes online with Caleb Warnock, our group had a big discussion regarding whether or not you could be “nice” when doing a critique. It came down to semantics. The point had been you need to offer honest, constructive criticism. We are not critiquing the author, but the author’s work. There is a difference. I felt you could be nice in that you were not telling someone they “sucked” but in offering helpful explanations about why something in their written work was not meeting the expectation of the reader.
I’ve read books that needed editing. It makes me wonder where the beta readers were and how they missed mistakes. Anne McCaffrey renamed a character between two books. Whoops.
Even the best writing group will miss things. I like that we can rely on an agent to be honest. A professional who will offer an objective eye on our work in comparison to those we work with on a regular basis, even as we know opinions are subjective. If you get the same comments from a few agents, you need to accept the fact that you must work on those million words a bit more. (Was it Heinlein who first made that statement?)
Harry Potter got rejected at first. But who among us are the next J. K. Rowling? Most of us won’t get away with a million dialogue tags in our first novel. With hard work and considered critiques that we accept and apply to our editing process, we can hope to write good books and find the right agents to get our happy endings.
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It’s good to know I’m not the only one who struggles with the writing process. I hope I can come to grips that there is no such thing as a perfect piece.
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A question: how do we edit comments after submission? I meant I’m new “here” - I ought not type with an almost 4 year-old in my lap!
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