“Show Don’t Tell” Examples

Show Don’t Tell” is the old adage you hear in every writing class, workshop, critique group and probably on some things you’ve had edited, rejected or submitted in your lifetime.

“Show don’t tell,” says the editor or agent or well-meaning crit partner. “You know, this really is an issue of showing versus telling,” says the writing teacher. Well, we all know that showing is good and telling is bad. But do we really know what that means?

show don't tell examples
Adjust those glasses because I’m about to blow your mind.

“Show Don’t Tell” Examples of Telling

The common rhetoric is too general. Here’s what “show don’t tell” means and, more importantly, why it’s important.

Let me give you some show don’t tell examples. I’m not saying this is the end-all and be-all, or even that well-written, but I’m hoping you’ll see the difference. Here’s telling:

Katie was so hungry she could eat a horse. She bellied up to the diner counter, her stomach rumbling. If she didn’t eat now, she’d die. It felt like an empty pit had opened up inside her. “A burger, please!” she shouted.

Karl, working behind the counter, looked at the newcomer with disdain. He really hated people who came up and bossed him around, even if they were supposed to always be right. He procrastinated as much as possible with restocking the silverware caddy. Then he wasted some more time wiping down the counter. Finally, he came over to the girl who he didn’t like very much. “Would you like fries with that?” he asked, ironically, a fake smile on his face.

“Show Don’t Tell” Examples of Showing

Now let’s try showing on for size:

Katie ran up to the counter and gripped the edge hard. It felt like a pit had opened up inside her. “A burger, please!” she shouted.

Karl barely registered her from behind the counter. Screw “the customer is always right,” he thought, glancing at Benny, the fat manager. He opened the dishwasher and pulled steaming hot forks out one by one. Then he noticed a coffee stain on the counter that had to be rubbed twice, three times, four. The new girl wove in her seat like she was about to pass out. Victory. Finally, he met her eyes. “Would you like fries with that?”

Digging Deeper Into Showing and Telling

What do you notice about these show don’t tell examples? In the first one, the characters’ emotions are very obvious. Why? The narrator tells you all about them. We know Katie is hungry and we know Karl really isn’t digging the bossy way she ordered a burger. That’s fine. It works. It gets the information across, right? (In a very redundant way, mind you!)

What about in the second example–did we still get that same information? Now what about it is different, then? There are a few things. First, we were able to get “hungry” without anybody saying the word. The rush on Katie’s part to get to the counter combined with a little bit of interiority about what she’s feeling and then matched to her shouting out an order. We’re pretty sure she’s hungry or, at the very least, that something urgent is going on.

Using Interiority: Thoughts, Feelings, Reactions

We get more into Karl’s head here. We get his tension with the manager and his attitude about a common customer service adage right away. He won’t even look at the customer. Instead, he busies himself with painstakingly removing forks “one by one” or the tally of how many times he wipes the counter. These drag out the scene without once using the word “procrastination.”

We also get more of Katie’s hunger from his perspective, and how it makes Karl feel. That way, his rehashed “Would you like fries with that?” still comes across ironically, though, this time, it’s because we know what’s been going on in his head much more intimately. This is called interiority.

How Readers Receive and Know Information

This brings me to why “show don’t tell” is so crucial, why so many writing teachers and agents and editors and critique partners harp on it: there are many kinds of knowing. One kind of knowing, you get by reading facts in the newspaper. You are a passive recipient of information.

Another kind of knowing, the kind you practice every day in your life, is the detective work kind. You have to do some reasoning, some sleuthing, you have to actively pay attention to what’s going on around you — what the world is showing you — in order to figure people out, judge a situation, make your own assumptions and decisions about things.

This is the exact kind of “knowing” that you’re interested in giving your reader. By showing them a scene, showing them what’s going on in a person’s head, giving them information but embedding it below the surface, you’re inviting your reader to put their thinking cap on, to dive into your story and go deeper. The reader had to work in the second of the two show don’t tell examples to figure out what’s going on with both Katie and Karl.

Guess what? That made them feel like they knew the characters better, it made them more engaged in the story and it gave them a sense of ownership of these people and their scene. Since the reader did some work to figure out what was going on, they now feel included, emotionally invested. Cool, right? And every author should pick creating that experience for their reader over just telling them stuff with every sentence they write.

An Exception to the Rule

Showing v. telling with a person’s interiority in third or first person narration is one small exception to the rule. (Check out my post on interiority in writing for more on this concept.) I know some of you will ask why I still chose to tell the reader “It felt like a pit had opened up inside her” in the second of the two show don’t tell examples, too. There are some times when you can show too much. If you’re always saying “she punched the wall” or “she spat on the ground,” for example, instead of occasionally just saying what the character feels inside, it can get overwhelming. You don’t have to say “angry” outright, but you can simply tell the reader what’s going on with narration instead of action or gesture. Sometimes that’s easier and more direct.

It all depends on where you want the focus of each moment to go. And it is a balance. Play around with it. Now that you know why “show don’t tell” is so crucial in your writing, you should really, at least in the beginning, err very much on the side of showing.

Struggling with your balance of showing, telling, and interiority? Hire me as your novel editor and I’ll apply these concepts in a completely custom way to your manuscript.

52 Replies to ““Show Don’t Tell” Examples”

  1. Spot on! Great post, Mary. The example helps bring it home too.

    Happy Friday.

  2. Great post, as always 😀 Toni Andrews did a series a while back on showing versus telling that was really informative too (if hard to find).

    Have a great weekend!

  3. I particularly liked the part about the directness and simplicity of occasionally telling what is going on. It comes down to knowing our characters, how they think and how they see the world.

  4. I like the part about occasionally telling, too. Lately I’ve been playing with that concept in my writing and watching for it in my reading. The best writers show most of the time, but they also tell quite a lot. They just pick the right places to do it.

    If you have time someday, I’d love to read a further post about when to tell instead of show. It would be hard to articulate, but I’m guessing you could find some wonderful points to make on the subject.

  5. More excellent points — like others, I think the ‘showing’ moderation point is crucial to learn (and is probably one of those that requires those pesky million words).

  6. Melissa — Eep. I can try!

    Bane — Aww, you drank the KoolAid and cross-referenced the Million Bad Words post. Nice.

  7. I recently had my MS critiqued and “show don’t tell” was a common theme. You’re post shows me how to fix this problem, rather than just telling me to. Thanks!

  8. I’d like to second Melissa’s request. I have a terrible tendency to skim read description in novels but I’ve also read advice that you need these pauses between action/dialogue, to give the reader a chance to breathe. It’d be great to learn where/when it’s a good idea.

  9. I attended a conference where an agent, Michael Stearns, described a way to use telling as showing in some cases. It was fascinating and this issue is one I’m going to double check in my ms. Thanks Mary!

  10. So, if I have this straight: I’m going to both tell you I really enjoyed this post here–hey, I really enjoyed this post!–and then show you by actually typing the comment and hitting “submit.” 🙂

    Srsly, tho–excellent example. I agree–it’s very easy to hear “show vs. tell” yet not really wrap your mind around how it actually applies. I would also love a post discussing more when to use more narrative/telly moments vs show (c’mon, you can do it–we have faith! 🙂


  11. You people have TOO much faith in me! I will really think about this one and try to come up with something, but it’ll be in January, since December is already blocked out with Revision-o-Rama.

  12. Hooray for Mary! I’ll be excited to read that post in January, and in the meantime I’ll keep looking forward to your Revision-o-Rama posts.

    You’re wrong, though. We don’t have too much faith in you. We have exactly the right amount of faith.


  13. Well done! I’ve been teaching a novel & memoir writing workshop for 11 years now and am always looking for fresh ways to approach this topic. Thanks!

  14. I wish someone had taught me this trick back in 11th grade English. My novel’s first draft came back from a beta reader with “SDT” all over it, and the changes have really made the text punch.

  15. Thank you! This post is really helpful. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve read ‘show, don’t tell’ on a blog, website, tweet etc., but only ever understood it in a vague kind of way. The example makes it really clear. Thanks!

  16. Okay, I found this in the workshop 8 post. This is great. I always seem to tell the reader before I go back and show. And even then I don’t always get the show right. I only have one YA MS, but this is good advice for the adult writing too. Wow, I still feel like an amateur playing with daddy’s computer. I will get there, even if I’m fifty before I get it right. (That’s still a way off for me yet, btw.)

  17. Jared Larson says:

    Mary, thank you for challenging me as a writer.

  18. Great post, but I have a question… In your example of show verses tell you use what I call, ‘filter words’. These are in fact ‘tells’. You use ‘he thought’, and ‘he noticed’. If I were editing, I’d flag them to SHOW instead of filter. Just show the thought, just show WHAT he noticed instead of calling attention to the word that says he did.

    Curious of your thoughts on these tells?

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